I love certain things so much, however I can’t find someone to relate to. To share and tell about what I like and enjoy. Every day I feel more alien than before, almost as someone who doesn’t belong to earth. Maybe I went too far and I should have liked what “everyone” liked and enjoyed. But I hate that, most of the time these popular things are not good or interesting for me to do. When I was young I felt confident and more normal, I was really sure of it. However as I grew up the gap between normal and unusual to rare to finally impossible has widened far and beyond. My closest of friends don’t know, my family doesn’t know, nobody knows. Because of this it became harder to hold conversations for longer periods of time.
a tragic story of recklessness and love and care.
FAST HEART BEATS
Before everything happened, there was peace and everything was good.
It was a regular day, the man was riding a bike. His friends challenged him to drive faster than what they were able to achieve.
He was riding at top speed and took out his phone to capture these moments. As he does so, a little girl who is unaware about her surroundings was standing looking at A beautiful tree, The man notices the girl and thinks she’s going to go away by herself. But she didn’t.
The girl kept staring at the trees. At this time the man was unable to control his riding it was very fast and he was holding his phone with the other hand. As he tries to turn right to avoid the girl, he slipped and fell off the bike, while the bike itself went straight ahead to the little girl. It was a very unfortunate time for the girl and the man, moments ago both of them were having a good time, yet just a critical moment changed everything for life. That was the accident.
Now the man has to explain what happened to the parents, but he couldn’t say anything. He was in literal shock, both the girl and the man were sent to the same hospital in the same room, not long after, bad news came breaking. the doctor told the girl she wont live much. It was very shocking to her, she was only 6 years old. The man couldn’t stop crying after hearing about this, flash backs of the good times he had with his life come back to him. This was the end of the good times. The girl all this while wasn’t hating on the man, she actually went to him trying to tell him everything is okay, because she accepted what will happen to her. Its sad but its going to be over soon, so instead she decided to keep talking to him with the little time she has left. This was the last spark of hope for the man, but even that wont make her come back to life.
The girl: I know I don’t have much, lets have …. a …… g..oo..d….. last conver…..sation.
She was too beat up it was hard to talk for her, but she wants at least her last moments to be meaningful.
The man: its too late to say sorry for me, but I will listen. What do you want to talk about?
She looks at the windows for a bit, and then back at the man, then back at the doctor and finally closes her eyes.
The girl: the trees look beautiful, I wish I was born a tree.
The girl: but that’s impossible now that im a human now.
The girl: you know, I have always thought good about people, I still do.
The man: I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry
The girl: stop, it doesn’t make me feel better………
A very hurtful silnce occurs for a long 10 minutes
The girl: mister please, don’t be like this, you’re a man so man up…… mister.
The girl: I feel bad too, I feel bad that im making you feel bad, and im scared of death mister
The girl: im ….. scared…….. of……… death……… mister? Why am I scared of death?…. mister answer me please………..
The man takes out her tears with a tissue, and lift her to ride on his top.
The man: death, yes everyone is scared of it. But you don’t worry about it. I will do something for you, I will do something you will remember
This would become the last time the both will ever be with each other, a tragic event made them run into each other, and now they have to stick to it to the end.
The man takes her to the tree she was always staring at, the girl is still on his top having the best time of her life. Looking at the tree and grabbing its fruits and leaves, crying on top of him, the tears fall on the mans face but he never wipes them, those tears are the treasure of life.
They keep having a good time until it got dark and its time to go back. The fun is over.
By the time it got dark, the little girl’s condition kept getting worse and worse, coughing up blood and hard breathing.
The man felt like he should do something but nothing he can do will change anything. It was about time, the end for a little innocent someone.
The man overwhelmed with his feelings, takes out his hands and stare at them for a moment before he starts hitting the wall with it, until it breaks and bleeds all over the place.
The girl dies shortly after. a very quite death.
The man was later sent to jail for life. He knew it was his mistake and he deserved this outcome. His life was over but he kept the memory of them having fun in his heart. She was the light in the dark cell he was in.
(X)Follow me, I will guide you to a better place. In it you will find what you need, that is if you still are willing to do it.
(Y)I will follow you, I don’t have a choice at this time.
(x)Good, lets begin.
(X)The path is very dangerous, filled with traps and intense challenges. Its not gonna be easy, this is your last call, Are you 100% you want to follow me?
(Y) im willing to do anything at this point, just let us go and never ask me again.
(Y) I feel tired
(x) im sorry but this is what you choosed
(y)im gonna stop, and go back
(x) you will have to go back alone, I will go on ahead and acclaim your reward for myself
(y) I don’t care anymore, go get it. I will find another way to deal with my problem.
(y) why am I so weak?
(y) im losing hope each passing day
(y) is this it?
(y) I need someone trustable, someone I can depend on
In the end (y) found someone he can depend on, found a different approach and solved his problem, from the start it was a problem of trust and not strength.
I used to talk a lot, much more than I should be doing. It was my life.
It was a hot day, I came home from playing outside with my friends.
I liked my friends, I talked to them a lot, I didn’t tell them my deepest secret.
My secret is too much for anyone to bear, I kept it inside me for a long long time.
Eventually the day has come, to tell my friends my secret, I gathered them all in one place.
It was the garden we always used to play around in, I keep reliving these memories in my head.
I spoke to each one ear to ear, because I had a special message to each one of them.
After telling them all their messages, I turn back on them and grip my mouth. Tear it out and put it between my hands. I showed it to them, they were prepared for this moment, I told each one according to their personalities the same thing but worded differently so they wont panic when I do the action.
And now that the time has come, they are all watching me holding what I loved. I wanted them to see it, and me.
Seeing my fall, my end.
My secret was: “I have a limited amount of words I can say before my mouth stops speaking”
I reached my limit that day.
after living the independent life for so long, it feels very refreshing to depend on others. Doing enjoyable things alone is not as fun as I would like it to be.
Every person is a body and soul, their own perspective is the real world to them, to me I felt all of these intense world view emotions every time I see someone. I just cant get enough of thinking about it, how selfish we can be for our own benefits, Its very saddening.
Did I become normal once again, or did I become very conscious of the reality in the world we live in, that is something I’m better off not knowing, because in the end that’s not what really matters.
Whenever I see someone, I imagine the hardships they had faced thus far, its either sad or it may seem unfair. I take a second look and imagine the bright side of those hardships, what it meant for others and themselves. Perhaps in the end its all worth it. I’m normal once more again.
what you don’t expect
I finished my duties and went out to get a hot drink, along the way I made a quick visit to my friends house. However he was not there at the time, so I went alone.
When I arrived at the coffee shop there were many people there and I felt sad for myself being alone here. I sat on a far away chair waiting for my hot drink to arrive.
In front of me there were some kids, a family. Since they were a lot they needed an extra chair to sit on, so the little girl slowly walks up to me, and little by little takes the chair away that belonged to my table without saying a word, and every time she moved the chair a little, she stared at me.
It was cute, it was funny to see but above all it made me glad that I decided to go even when my friend was absent. Such experiences are very unpredictable so I take every chance to do something new or different and push myself to do what I think will not be beneficial for me.
how did i get here?
sitting on a cliff, looking at the bare landscape. I was there staring at the nature until the night came to be. I was away from all my responsibilities, wasting away my time.
At some point, I had to go back to see what changed. Nothing changed, “everything is the same” I reassured myself. I felt bad for not doing what I was supposed to do, however I cant change the past, its set in stone already.
Regret came over me, and it got off very fast.
This cycle repeated itself for at least 10 times in a row until it finally hit me. “I should change” I told myself. I was very hopeless but I wanted to try before I give it up.
Change, yes I’m following change. That is my goal, that is what I desire right now.
But nothing worked, and I kept chasing change for the rest of my life but I never found it.
I hope nobody else end up like me, good luck to everyone.